As you may or may not have noticed, I’m not a stranger to heartache or things not going right. If you’re a regular functioning human, its safe to safe that things haven’t always gone your way at some point in your life. A job offer that you’ve accepted might have fallen through. Your health may have taken a turn for the worst or maybe you were diagnosed with an illness that will affect the way you live your life. Maybe you lost your house or a family member or a pet. Maybe that relationship you were in ended horribly leaving you disappointed. The point is well…sh*t happens. That It’s a sad fact but its true: things fall apart. The thing is though, how do we react when things fall apart?
I know how I react. I shut down. I’m trying to get better at it. I know recently, I’ve experienced financial setback and it’s been affecting my life: I couldn’t pay all my bills on time, I couldn’t go to therapy because I just didn’t have the money. I would go into the negative because all of my bills are on autopay and every little bit of money I got was just disappearing. I felt (and sometimes still do) like there’s no out. The only things that been getting me through were God and my close circle. I want to give in and cry all the time but I know being stagnant will not help anything. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
So what can you do?
- Know that things are not permanent. With the exception of death, things aren’t permanent. Things can change. When? Well it depends on the situation but your circumstances will not always be this way.
- Make a comeback plan. How will you get out of your situation? How can you cope with your situation. After you’ve given yourself time to feel your feelings (because it’s okay to cry and scream), come up with an action plan. If you can, maybe you can sit with someone and come up with an action plan together: be it a therapist, close friend, mentor, family member, etc. Have small actionable steps that you can take and do it gradually. Yes it’s a tough and high hill to climb but take it little by little.
- Focus on solutions. I remember I had a mentor once who said “I only want to hear solutions, not about problems”. She didn’t want to hear excuses or us whining, she wanted to know how we were going to fix it. If we only focus on what’s wrong all the time, we’ll never see the light. We won’t see how things will get better. If we focus on things we can control, it will help us take accountability for what we personally do to make things better. We don’t need to stay the victims. We need to think of things that will lift our spirits and practice gratitude. It will help with our attitude a lot!
- Remember, you’re not alone. As I mentioned before, my circle has helped me in ways I can’t even begin to express. They listened to me when I cried. Gave me either monetary help or gave me encouraging words or shared scriptures that has helped them when they were in a tough situation. The point is, we need to lean on each other. Think of those in your life that you can call on when you need a pick me up! Don’t try to go through this by yourself. If you have people who really want to help you and see you win, lean on them.
- Pray. You know me. I’m kinda religious so I will depend on God whenever I can. Just this morning I prayed to God a heartfelt pray to help me; To help me cope. He’s my rock. I ask him for courage and strength. I try to do things according to his will and he does help me. Things do get better little by little. And when I have small wins, I say a prayer of thanks. Does he immediately make the problem go away? No. But praying to him and applying Bible principals makes a huge difference.
Also, my fave Cara Alwill recently had a topic like this on her podcast recently. Check it out when you can.
What has helped you bounce back from when you had a fallback? What things have helped you to press forward? Let’s lift each other up in the comments!
If you want to hear Cara’s podcast episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/style-your-mind-podcast/id1201472304?i=1000547671316