Don’t Hate on the Mate

Hey y’all!

Last year, comedian Godfrey went on live on Instagram to make a racist tirade against interracial couples. Basically, he was in New York and saw a bank advertisement featuring an interracial couple (black woman/white man) and went off. He went in on how foolish women were dating their oppressor and how it’s an agenda because they’re putting these ads in “black” areas. He did, however, acknowledge the fact that black men started the whole interracial thing and he said that black women were doing this to get back at black men (insert eye roll emoji). He said it was comedy and that we took it wrong. Correction: a good number of black women got him all the way together when he called them bed wenches (which I hate that word).

This is just one example of what is wrong with some (not all) black folks. What is wrong with people? If you personally don’t want to date other races, then so be it. Why is it that when someone steps out of “the norm”, people get upset? Like let people love who they want to love. No need to call them names or degrade them. If dating interracially isn’t for you, then it isn’t for you.

All couples experience challenges but mixed raced couples experience more challenges than one from a couple thats the same race. There are implicit and explicit biases that some races have to deal with. It can be a challenge for the other person to deal with, especially when its coming from close friends and loved ones. Also, for example, let’s say theres a black person and white person in a relationship. There are some discrimination that the black person has experienced more so than the white person. You have to be able to understand it, empathize and give support to your mate.

According to a 2017 Pew Research Center report titled Intermarriage in the U.S. 50 years after Loving v. Virginia, one in 10 married people had a spouse of a different race or ethnicity, which translates to 11 million people in mixed marriages. However, white and Black pairings actually account for only 11% of interracial marriages, with Black men being twice as likely as Black women to marry someone of a different race or ethnicity (24% vs. 12%). The attitudes toward interracial marriages in America have also shifted – 39% of adults polled said intermarriage is good for society. Even more fascinating: According to a 1990 General Social Survey, 63% of non-Black participants said they would be against a relative or loved one marrying a partner of a different race/ethnicity. More than three decades later, the figure has dropped to 14%.

A study that was done in the UK on Interracial dating found that 37% of the couples surveyed experienced some type of discrimination or micro aggressions because of their partner’s race. The most common backlash that the couples received was from family and friends at 49%. Negative reactions from workmates came in at 37%. In that same study 37% were fetishized because of their race. The study also found that only 43% of couples were willing to have serious conversations about race.

Let’s go back to those figures…49% came from people who the couples were close to. That’s legit almost half! Why is that? Why does it matter that someone just happen to have a different skin color or different features? Love is love. According to the Pew Research center, 19% of marriages in this country are of mixed raced couples. With that said, the General Social Survey found that one in 10 of Americans opposed when a close friend or family member married someone of a different race.

I’m hoping that as time moves forward, interracial couples will become more of the norm. I need people to understand that you’re not turning your back on your culture or your race. You’re opening yourself up to more love and happiness. This is not to say that ever single person should be in a mixed race relationship. If it’s for you, great! If not, okay but don’t down other who people who are in one. Calling people names and putting them down just because they sought love somewhere shows how much hate you have in your heart.

It just sucks to deal with racism and hate from our own communities. Black men can marry white women and there’s no issue. But when a black woman does it? She’s a bed wench (I really hate that word)! Again, let people love who they want to love and leave it alone!

Self magazine has done a really cool article in which they interviewed three couples who are currently in an interracial relationship. Check it out when you can!

Are you in an interracial relationship? What advice would you give other couples or those wanting to be in one (like me)?

Photo by cottonbro on


Nessa D.

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