I don’t know about you but I have noticed lots of family drama in the internet. From Britney Spears’s drama with her sister Jamie Lynn Spears on who supported whom to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and their drama with their daughter Chicago’s birthday party to the late singer Jenni Rivera’s family fighting over money. It’s a lot and it’s really sad to see unfold in the media. By the way, this post is not about these celebs; it’s about family issues. I just want to say, I pray for peace for those families mentioned.
I’m no stranger to family drama. I can say from experience, it’s not fun being the center of family drama. I know for me, when my book came out, it caused a huge rift in our family. I remember the awkward moment during our family reunion via Zoom, someone didn’t know I had a book come out and asked me what it was about and I was at a lost for words. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, the book wasn’t about them but they were on the Zoom with us and I don’t it felt weird. Thank goodness for my aunt moving things along because we had our festivities to attend.
My cousins barely looked at me and yes we keep things cordial but just knowing that it was because of my book (they were mentioned in the book quite a few times), I felt awful. I’m so sad how things played out and I wish I could’ve maybe talked to them before it came out but the point is that the damage has been done. Moving forward I hope to one day burry the hatchet and get to a more cordial place.
I was reading recently Patrice Washington‘s latest book, Redefine Wealth For Yourself: How to Stop Chasing Money and Finally Live Your Life’s Purpose. In the book, she shares an experience in which she wishes she handled a situation differently. The person she referred to was really unprofessional and mishandled lots of things in her business and her actions was hurting her business. Even if you’re in the right, you don’t want to burn bridges. That’s something my grandma has told me time and time again this past year and there is lots of wisdom behind it.
In Washington’s book, she offered a tidbit of advice that I want to share with you when it comes to relationships, whether it’s a business relationship or personal. The following advice that she gives is:
Take an honest look at the relationships in your personal and professional life. You probably won’t have to think very hard to identify any toxicity. Decide how you’ll untie or change those relationships. If that change requires a conversation, have it. If not, simply adjust how and how much you interact with that person without unnecessary explanation or confrontation. Also consider whether or not there are any past relationships you wish you’d ended on a better note. Identify what you could have done differently. Make a list of how you’ll handle it better next time, and make sure you do those things in the future.
Life is too short to hold on to anger. You don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to making peace with someone. You don’t want to brush anything under the rug for the sake of keeping the peace. I mean I totally get it, I hate confrontation but sometimes, it’s important to have those really uncomfortable conversations. The point is you don’t want to be the person who burn bridges only to end up alone and lonely. If they do it to you, that’s them. If they don’t like the boundaries you set, thats them. Be prepared for whatever response they give.
You honestly never know when you might need someone or let’s say you want a job or an opportunity somewhere, you want to have a solid reputation. If you burn bridges, you can kiss those vital connections goodbye. On the other hand, it does not mean be a doormat. If someone or a situation is toxic, leave it alone. Send it (or them) packing with love, especially after you made your boundaries clear of what you will and will not accept.
Family relationships are tricky to navigate. You wanna break the generational trauma and really heal and some people aren’t ready for that. If there’s an argument in the family, try to really listen to each other and acknowledge the other person’s feelings as well. Again, I’m not saying let them off the hook. In fact, they should be held accountable for their actions but maybe go about it a different way. Whether it’s a phone call, text message, sit down, a letter or email. Try to resolve family issues. God gave us one family and it will suck to see it fall apart over a misunderstanding or an actual issue that needs to get solved immediately.
Make sure you did all you can to help the situation and whatever is left is up to the other individual(s). Relationships don’t have to end nasty but try to make both parties leave with dignity. Again, once you’ve tried to lovingly and firmly handle issues, it’s up to the other person with how they’ll move forward.
P.S. to my family who I have hurt, I do apologize from the bottom of my heart.My feelings are valid but so are yours as well. I am sorry.