I have been struggling a lot with my self-esteem ever since I was a kid. I’ve come a long way but I still struggle with it. I’ve always hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I’m going to do another post on beauty standards for the 21st century. When I was growing up, I was never considered beautiful and never really got male attention. Needless to say, I grew feeling (and still currently feeling) ugly. I remember when I was little, there was this show called “The Swan” in which they gave people who were unsatisfied with that they looked like, plastic surgery. I mean they had stories that tugged at the heart so it was beautiful to see how it changed their lives. Me? I wanted in (and if they bring it back, I’m signing up first thing).
There was a point in my life, where I avoided cameras. I just hated my face. I personally feel like that’s a huge factor in why I never had a boyfriend. I never really had male attention, even now. Guys barely liked my profile on dating sites and pretty much most of the guys that I liked, never liked me back, in real life and online. At this point, I just want to hide. I want to never take pics ever again. Trust, if I can afford it, I’m getting work done on my face and body. I want to go back to the days of not having any pictures of me. I hate how I look. I don’t look like most of the girls online and my voice is really high.
I know there are those out there who says looks don’t matter but let us not pretend that there’s pretty privilege. What’s pretty privilege you may ask? Well it’s the association of beauty with talent, intelligence, social success, and health. People who look attractive are given more advantages in life and in death. Yes, you read that correctly: death. People who are more attractive are more likely to get sympathy or even more coverage on her untimely passing versus those who are less attractive.
When it comes to seeking employment, in 2006, a study was done once in which it was found 10.5% of employees who were attractive had a higher salary. I’m sure that number is higher over 10 years later. Another study, done in 2017, found that more attractive students got better grades. There’s an interesting article from Insider on this and it too has scientific evidence. It goes into more details and I don’t want this post to be too long (I’ll tackle this topic again in a future post in the near future).
Clearly, if you have an appealing outer appearance and you’re seen as attractive according to today’s beauty standards (because they do change) your life will be a bit better than those who are less attractive. Those are facts. Now I’m not saying that all attractive people are great people because there are plenty of them who are broken deep down inside and some who are just awful people when you get to know them. They may appear like they have it all on the outside but on the inside they’re hurting.
Anyway, while its obviously a problem for everyday life for sure, it’s really hindering my business. I’m already nervous about putting myself out there but if I want my brand to grow, I gotta put myself out there. Recently, one of the booktubers that I follow made a youtube video about how to start a booktube channel and I immediately got so excited but then I remembered, I’m hideous. I cant go on camera. See? It’s damaging to my business. As you may or may not know, I’ve actually started a booktube channel and I tried being more active on TikTok as well but I feel so ugly and I’m pretty sure other people are thinking it as well. See? Again, it’s hindering me and my business? How do I expect to grow if I’m scared to put my literal face out there!
So what can we do? I have scoured the web for tips (cause lord knows I need it) and here’s what I found:
- Accept your face. We can’t change it (unless we can afford the surgery). Since we’ve been told that we’re ugly by other people multiple times in our lives (it does happen people. I’ve been told I was facely challenged and other horrible things). There are people out there who looks better than us. As soon as we get over that fact the easier it should be to move on
- Stop focusing on beauty. Commercials ands ads are talking about beauty but why not focus on whats in the inside? How are you as a person, if your beauty was involved. We’re so focused on the outer appearance.
- Improve on your self-confidence. Learn a new skill. Try something you’ve never done. Engage in positive self talk. Take care of your physical and mental health. Say affirmations to yourself daily.
- Practice gratitude. When you’re focused on how blessed you are( even for the little things), you’re more likely to have a better outlook on your life. Plus the things you’re grateful for have nothing to do with looks.
- Focus on why you’re loved. No not romantically (unless you’re blessed to have a romantic partner) but I mean your family and friends. They obviously don’t love you only for your looks (and if they do or give you back handed comments on your looks, drop them). Ask them what they love about you and focus on that.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s such a big challenge for me for sure. Some people were blessed with good looks and others aren’t. That’s just life. Also, keep in mind, on social media, people only put out the good that’s happening in their life. There’s hella filters out there and lots of photoshopped pictures so even the really attractive don’t look like what they look like online.
I’m still unsure how to navigate these things online because well, I need to have a presence online if I want to grow my brand. I have to put myself out there and it is really hard when you’re ugly. It won’t happen overnight but I can’t keep hindering myself because of the fact that I hate how I look. If you’re in the same boat as me, I’m praying for ya!
It’s good to remember that God doesn’t care what we look like. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says: “Man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for Jehovah, he sees what the heart is”
What advice or tips would you give to someone who’s ugly?