New Year Blues

Hey yall!

I was scrolling through Instagram as I normally do and I stumbled upon a reel from Monique Mitchell. In the real she explained how she went to a dinner party and the question was posed to her: what word are you leaving behind in 2021 and what word are you taking with you in the new year? It’s kind of like the one word project that I usually do with my students in which they pick a word to carry them through the school year. In the past I’ve chosen words like faith, grace, or peace. 2022 is legit right around the corner (this Saturday actually) so there’s a lot to reflect on.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXANXH-hiJ4/?utm_medium=share_sheet

When I saw the reel, I legit rolled my eyes. While I was in the shower (where lots of ideas take place btw) I really got to thinking about the words that I want to leave behind and what word I want to take with me. I chose to leave behind the word “hope” and I wanted to take the word “pessimism”. Yeah thats a pretty negative thing to think about. Hear me out: the past year or the later half of the year has been pure hell. I was telling a friend that usually when things get rough or it takes me a long time to achieve things, instead of making me stronger and teaching me a lesson, I get very bitter and have an “about time” attitude. It’s not right. I understand that. Life has just beaten me tf up at this point. I had some high moments (like self-publishing a book…yay me) but the later half of the year has been…rough.

I got a job at a great school only to be reassigned to a rough school not even a month into the school year (well more like a little over a month). I started having financial issues and my mental health took a nosedive. I was glad when I went a day without crying. I felt really down on myself because I wasn’t as far in life as I believe that I should be. Most people my age have their life together. They’re secure in their job. Secure in where they live. Many are married or have children or both (which is what I yearn for). Others are so assertive and take life by the balls and go after what they want. Now, the last few months are usually pretty hard for me, but this time it felt unbaerable. I literally wanted to die and took everything within me to just make it to the next day. Each day would be like if only I can make it til I go to bed and if only I can make it to tomorrow. It was rough.On social media, whenever I see everyone living it up and me having obstacle after obstacle, it left me a little cynical and jaded. I kept asking, when God? When will it be my turn?

Usually around this time, is when people start thinking of the new year and what they hope to happen. Personally, I don’t make new years resolution. I like intentions but not resolutions. I believe in working on leveling up and bettering my life before the new year so that when the new year comes, so that it’s a continuation and not something that I’d put off for later. It’s a mindset thing. I have to put in the work NOW even when I don’t feel like it. I have to keep going throughout the hardships. I need to rely on God and stop trying to go through life by myself. I need to be open to what life has in store.

Life doesn’t go our way a lot of the time and that’s okay. Sometimes, things happen for us and not to us (although Satan like to throw us off course from time to time). I need to let go of expectations and live in the moment of what is. Sure visualization and vision boards are nice but we can’t get too hung up on the end goal and why we don’t have it yet. It sucks up our joy. Who knows what the new year will have in store for us!

So, your questions are: what word are leaving behind this year and what word are you taking into the new year?

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

XOXO,

Nessa D.

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