Bad Christian

Hey y’all!

As you know, I’m a bit more religious than most folks that I follow and I’ve never quite felt like a good christian. It doesn’t mean that I don’t try. I have been sitting back and reflecting on myself and my relationship with God. For a while, after meditating over what I’m studying, I haven’t been feeling like a good christian. I feel like a bad christian. In this post, I’ll dive into what makes a real christian and why people are fed up with religion.

As you may or may not know, I’m studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was raised around it and in college I basically went to church with my cousins. I never left the teachings that I learned as I was growing up but I also wanted to figure things out for myself. The values that I was brought up with never went away and deep down inside, I still believed in them.

After my grandfather died, I decided to read the Bible from start to finish. I grabbed whatever Bible was available to me and started praying to God again. I wanted to repair my relationship with Jehovah but didn’t exactly had the tools to do so. Eventually, I started reading the daily text (or devotionals) from their app which I was so grateful for. I’m not sure how I found out about the app but on it I had access to the daily text, Bible, and Biblical publications. I wasn’t attending meetings but every now and then my aunt would send me invites to attend the memorial, which is when we commemorate Christ’s death for us.

I guess God took note of my efforts and read my heart because eventually, I met some witnesses who had came to my job looking for chicken wings for the Super Bowl. It was by Jehovah that our paths had crossed. Since I wasn’t attending church and was doing my best to get his teachings, I was finally able to start studying again. I was on my way to repairing my relationship with God! I still had issues going on in my life and I wasn’t exactly living by Godly standards but I still felt like I was moving towards the right direction.

So where did things go wrong? Well, I’m still holding on to my love of Harry Potter. Witchcraft is a big no no! He detests anything with the occult, witchcraft, spirit mediums and astrology. When I moved to where I am now, I got rid of my crystals and slowly trying to ween them out of my system. However, Harry Potter and the wizarding world have a chokehold on me that I just seem to not be able to let go of. I even still have my dream catcher that my friend gave me. It’s just so pretty and means so much to me that it’s hard for me to let go.

I was trying to straddle the fence of what I see others do and I wanted to try it myself but without totally crossing the line. I still curse like a sailor. I’m also pretty sure that if my crush was to ask, I’d sleep with him. I still like getting and giving gifts for birthdays and Christmas, which is a really big no-no. God, however, is the reader of all thoughts and intentions so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t happy with my choices. And remember, no one can slave for two masters and while he was talking about riches, it also can mean other things that we put ahead of him.

Am I perfect? No. I make tons of mistakes and I have a long way to go. I’m not giving up however. I know changes won’t happen overnight but they do take effort. There’s some things that has such a tight hold on me that I feel bad about letting God down. My faith seems to waver when things get tough. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve him or his love. How can he love a sinner like me?

While I am plagued with guilt, I take solace in the fact that he’s giving us time to correct our wrongs right now. You never know when you will die so we need to make sure we do all we can to stay on his good side. If he sees that we’re truly trying and are truly repentant, he will forgive us. He’s greater than our hearts. We just have to trust him fully and put him first in our lives.

People more and more are leaving organized religion. They see the hypocritical practices of churches and it’s masters. The division of church and state seems like such a facade. There are some churches out there that take political stance when they shouldn’t favor one political party over the other. You have some churches embracing some of the things that God detests. We have preachers who cheat and lie and steal. Some who turn their back on their members. No wonder people are sick of it! It’s been going on for so long that people are choosing to be spiritual rather than religious. A study has shown that about 47%of young adults consider themselves religious.

What makes a true christian? Listed are some qualities and scriptures so that you can reference them yourselves and start to mediate on what you read. Even if you don’t agree with me or my choices, at least read the scriptures for yourself and compare what you read with what you see happening.

I’m not trying to convert you all or anything like that, I just want to you do a study of the Bible and read for yourselves. If you see that you need to make some adjustments, then make them. Your walk with God is your own walk with God.

How can you distinguish real Christians from people who do not follow Jesus’ teachings and example?

Photo by Pixabay on


Nessa D.


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