You know, life is not easy. I was just venting to a friend about how I’m tired of being resilient and I just wanted a break in life. If you’re like, hey that came out of nowhere. Not quite. You see, I was reflecting over my life and how much hardship I had to deal with. You compare that with what I see daily on social media and it’s not hard to feel like life isn’t fair. Day in and day out of trying s**t and trying s**t and it not working. It’s exhausting. Not to mention the messages of “God wouldn’t put too much on you that you can’t handle” or ” things always work out for you” does not help.
Like, really? My parents dying was meant to make me stronger? Finding out that they really died from AIDS while everyone else knew but me was supposed to make me stronger? Being broke is supposed to make me stronger? Never having a boyfriend while everyone else I know is either in a relationship or have a family is suppsed to make me stronger?
Every night I go to bed wondering if this is when I die. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die. But it’s like, really Jehovah? Like is this my life? This is what I have to wake up to everyday? All these issues in the world and me feeling like a loser and behind everyone else while I can’t even get my crush’s attention? I finally got a job at a dream school and then boom I’m moved. Like if its not one thing, it’s another! I’m tired of this! I just want to be happy.
It was funny though. A day or two after I vented to my friend about how much I hate being resilient all the damn time, I saw a video on how it can actually make us better christians. It strengthens us because we will deal with a lot of adversity when it comes to our faith and will need to it stay faithful to the end. That was God right there. I didn’t even pray about it, he just knew what I needed to hear at that time (Won’t he do it?).
Usually, or at least I’m told, hardships is to make you better, not bitter. Being resilient is a trait that helps us cope and bounce back as humans. However, when you’re bombarded with problem after problem, it’s just too much. It’s hard to deal. Don’t even get me started on the toxic positivity! What is toxic positivity you may ask? Well…toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.
Here are some signs of toxic positivity:
- Hiding/Masking your true feelings
- Trying to “just get on with it” by stuffing/dismissing an emotion(s)
- Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel
- Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements
- Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience
- Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity
- Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It is what it is”
There is hope! Here are some tips:
- Let go of shame and ask for help.
- Breathe. Like actually take a breath.
- Spend time doing what fills your cup.
- Focus on gratitude.
- Pray about it.
- Be patient.
- Checkout these scriptures: Proverbs 28:26 and 2 Timothy 4:7. Review the story of Joseph (in Genesis) and how he endured hardships and how God blessed him in the end.
When hardships come, it’s easy to become the victim and be like “Whoa is me” but we shouldn’t do it. We can be resilient and it’s not a bad thing. Life is difficult and sometimes things just happen to us. That’s the hand we’re dealt in life. We just have to roll with it.
To read more about resilience burnout, check out this article.