A Breath of Fresh Air (Kinda)

Hey y’all!

I was recently on TikTok and on my for you page, I’ve been seeing quite a few videos of women who have never been in a relationship and how they weren’t sought after by anyone and it really messed with them! Those posts (because there were lots of them) made me feel a little bit better about my situation in the sense that I’m not alone in this. So, if you have never been in a relationship, fear not! You’re not alone (…yay…)!

As you may or may not know, I want nothing more than to be in a relationship. I long for one. Pine for it. I would just love to be a wife and a mom. I’m not getting any younger! Especially with me being single all my life, like clearly its me, right? All my other friends has either gotten married, had babies, or has had a relationship. Being single for this long (legit all my life) has made me feel like I’m unattractive…like even to this day I have to force myself to look in the mirror and it’s so hard when you don’t like what you see reflected.

I’m also pretty shy and have no idea how to talk to guys. Like I honestly don’t know how to. I am on dating apps but I’m hesitant to approach people. I’ve been ghosted before or guys have lost interest if the conversation goes stale or once they see what I actually do in my day to day life…I’m not particularly interesting. I go to work and go home. I watch cooking shows and I read. I gush over my cat. Like there’s not much to me. Plus, again, I’m not great at talking. I feel very awkward and I almost want to put in my profile that I haven’t had any real dating experience or that I’m not used to talking to guys. Something to let them know that hey I’m hella scared but willing to try.

And then another struggle that I have is, how do I know if a guy would be open or interested in a relationship with a black girl. It’s no secret: I like white guys. I know some people are like approach a guy or whatever and I’m don’t want to get shut down. I’ve been rejected by plenty of guys I was interested in (hence my feelings behind my looks and personality) and so, why would I put myself through it? Not to mention my anxiety and depression. Who will love me in spite of those things?

Now in all honesty, the only type of guys who were “interested” in me were either there to take advantage of me (they can sense low self-esteem) or who were just trash. Men who were not good looking and had no job or no real prospects in life. Ladies you know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who slip in your dm’s with the “Hello beautiful I hope you’re having a good day message” which on the outside if you saw that you’d be be like aww but then you see the message from who it’s from and you’re like *vomit*.

I searched the internet for tips on how to date when you’ve never dated. Here are some of the tips that I found:

  • Age is just a number. Don’t focus on what you should have by now. We’re on our own timeline. Remember this post?
  • Put yourself out there. You’re not going to find someone by them knocking on your door. Go places: coffee shop, bar, park, wherever you feel comfortable.
  • Take a class at a community center. You meet lots of people and you never know, you just might find your person.
  • Give dating apps a try. checkout my post on how my experience has been so far with different dating apps.
  • Tell your friends and family. You never know, they may know someone.
  • Don’t settle. Don’t entertain someone just because you’re lonely and definitely don’t settle for someone. Keep your standards. It’s your life.
  • Let go of your expectations. Let go of what you think things are supposed to look or be like but still, don’t settle.
  • Be Honest. Some people don’t want to deal with someone like us, but it’s still to be honest. Hopefully we will find someone who understands. Besides if we’re honest about our dating experience, it might explain a few things we do or don’t do.
  • Say your affirmations. If you don’t know where to start, check out this post!

It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in my dating experience. Does that mean I’m not crying myself to sleep at night because I don’t have a boyfriend? Nope. It kills me that I’m still single but it’s nice knowing that others are out there who may feel the same way. There are those who actually enjoy being single and aren’t in any rush. If that’s you, you’re good to go! And by the way, I’m aware that it’s not everyone’s dream to get married and have kids. And that’s okay.

Are you someone who’s never been in a relationship? What advice will you give those who haven’t been in a relationship?

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com

XOXO,

Nessa D.

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