I don’t know about you but it’s been a rough few weeks for me. With me being reassigned (read about it here)and my birthday coming up soon, I’ve just been going through it. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I stopped exercising. I wanted to die. Now I’m sure there are people out there who deal with change way better than I do but I just do not deal well with change (check out this post), especially when it’s a change I didn’t forsee.
Life is hard. I’m sure you’re like thanks captain obvious but I just have to point it out. Heck, in the Bible book of Timothy, it mentions that there will be critical times hard to deal with. I’m not going to lie, this forced change of scenery messed me up. It made me feel as if I can never be happy about anything again. That I’d lose things that make me happy. It’s a mess you guys.
I’ve realized (after talks with my therapist and friends) that I can be happy again. Yes life threw me this huge curveball but it’s no reason to die. Yes, my mind went there. It’s officially the fall (whoop whoop my fave season) and that means we’re moving to the times where it’ll be darker longer during the day. It’s also a time when seasonal depression can come (and seasonal depression is not fun). It can make life less fun. It can cause us to go into dark places.
According to WebMd, Seasonal depression is a mood disorder that happens every year at the same time. A rare form of seasonal depression, known as “summer depression,” begins in late spring or early summer and ends in fall. In general, though, seasonal affective disorder starts in fall or winter and ends in spring or early summer. It can affect 11 million people. It’s no joke. This is usually the time of the year where I really struggle with my mental health.
However, don’t despair, there are things that you can do to get you through it: journaling, therapy, exercise, sleep, spending time with people you love or doing what you love and gratitude! In fact, I went to social media and asked folks “What makes life worth living?” and I actually got a few responses and I’d like to share them with you all:
- Family (Ericka C.)
- Small moments! (Sara A.)
- Quality time with family and friends
- New experiences, adventure, and love
- Love (Ashley A.)
- Maybe another way to think about the questions is: what makes life worth ending? I think a few people would say that there are exactly zero circumstances when self-sacrifice is the right option. Soldiers, some parents, some protesters, the terminally ill–they sacrifice themselves for “acceptable” reasons. “Suicide” as a kind of self-sacrifice, appears “unacceptable”. This social and ethical aspect of self-sacrifice/suicide implies that people contemplating their own death might talk about their state of mind to gain insights on whether their death will have some value? If not, then what is the point in dying before a good time? Maybe some other dramatic life change will be better choice? Moving from a toxic environment (to Ghana? Zanzabar? Where land is inexpensive and beautiful) might be a good start. One’s past life doesn’t have to be one’s future (Jacob B.)
Now, I’m aware not everyone wants to end their lives however, it’s still good to reflect on those things that makes life great. It can be hard to do when it feels like you’re fighting an uphill battle. You can do this. Your depression will not last forever. Things will get better. I know the holiday season can be tough for folks. Reflect on gratitude. It can help relieve the sadness.
There’s a part in Jason Mraz song “I’m Yours” that I just love and it always makes me reflect on life and it says: I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror/And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer/But my breath fogged up the glass/And so I drew a new face and I laughed/I guess what I’ve been saying is there ain’t no better reason/To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
Life isn’t easy but it is worth living.