Recently, one of my favorite bloggers/authors, Cara Alwill, decided to give relationship advice. Now this was something that I knew I had to jump on because she never really talk about relationships (except for maybe talking about how a partner should be). She usually tries to keep it cute and not really mention more than that so when she said on Instagram that she was answering all romantic questions, I knew I had to get my question in there.
Now there are some folks out there that actually don’t mind being single and if that’s you, fantastic. If not, I feel your pain. I’m single and I hate it. It’s awful and each day that goes by, I’m dying inside. I am not built for this. I’m honestly sick of it, but I digress. Some people embrace being single. They may have extra time on their hands to do what they love or they might learn more things about themselves.
Anyway, she did a Q & A on Instagram and I threw in my question which was, what advice did you have for a girl who’s never been in a relationship and still wants to get married and have babies? If you’re new here hi! I’ve never ever been in a relationship. Have I had a situation or two? Definitely but I’ve never been in an actual relationship. For someone who’s a hopeless romantic, this is hard. I get so sad when I see people with pregnancy announcements or engagement announcements and I cannot even get a guy to like actually notice me. I die a bit inside each time I see one of those posts.
Anyway, if you’re like me and you’re struggling with being single, here are a some words of wisdom from Cara:
- How did you attract love? By loving myself enough to walk away from things that weren’t working for me. I really believe we have to go through the process. We have to have the courage to face the scary sh*t like being alone and feeling all the messy feelings: loneliness, fear, isolation, sadness. This allows us to dive deeper into who we are as women and what we truly want. I had to love myself enough to be alone and not know what was next and be okay with the unknown.
- I’ve been single for way too long, what are some tips to get myself out there? My first question is: why are you not out there? Are you afraid of getting hurt? Comfortable being single? What’s stopping you?
- I’ve never been in a relationship. Is all hope lost? I want to be married with a kid (this was my question). Hope is NEVER lost. Look for evidence around you of people finding love later in life for the first time. Google stories, interviews, articles. Find love and dating blogs geared toward your age group. Try not to compare yourself to those who found it sooner. Your life is unfolding in divine timing. Stay open.
- How do you know if it’s actually a red flag or just old patterns and anxiety trying to convince you it is? SUCH A GOOD QUESTION! Do you know your non-negotiables? Meaning, the things you absolutely cannot tolerate in a relationship? (For example, a man that flirts with other women in front of you, or a man who ghosts you)? I would get super clear on that list. Then see how his behavior lines up.
- It’s not really a question but I’m 32 and never been in a relationship. I feel abnormal. You have no idea how common this is! I’ve talked to a lot of people in the same situation (many even older than you). Don’t stress. It will all happen in divine timing.
If you’re single and looking for love, I hope that this post will bless you in some way. If you’re in a relationship, what advice would you give single folks looking for love? Let’s support each other in the comments.