Knowing Your Worth and Letting God Handle the Rest

Hey y’all!

Something happened to me recently and it just made me feel much better about myself and I don’t know maybe some of you are experiencing the same thing. So I went on job interview after job interview after job interview (I was leaving my school. Part of the reason can be found here and here). I desperately wanted to leave my school because I was unhappy and well…pride. Let me explain.

I kept feeling unhappy at my job and finally after spring break, I decided to finally stop complaining and start applying for a job with the school district (I was at a charter school). I kept it to myself (except to a few people that I was close with) because I wasn’t sure how the other teachers would feel about me leaving the school. I updated my information in the district’s employment data base, updated my resume and applied for jobs. I waited and waited and waited and I heard nothing!

A teacher that I follow on instagram wrote a blog post about how to ace job interviews (check out the blog post here if you’re interested in teaching). The first two jobs I applied for, I didn’t look at the interview questions because I thought, I’m a teacher I got this (such a haughty attitude) and I got interviews that I felt I did great on and I didn’t hear anything back from them. That hit my pride. One of the schools I had an interview with hired a teacher that I worked (she has a different certification) with during her interview so I took that as them really needing teachers so I was sure they’d hire me. They didn’t hire me. The other school I interviewed with went as far as to reach out to my references. I didn’t hear anything for a while (this we will revisit).

I was starting to doubt myself. I felt like I was a good teacher but the fact that I didn’t hear anything back, I felt like a failure. So many teachers were leaving my school and I was the only one stuck. I knew in my heart I wasn’t going to stay at the school, I was just prepared to return in the fall. So I applied for more schools, I emailed all the schools I applied to and I reviewed the answers that the blog post reviewed. My answers were pretty much the same. I had interview after interview after interview. I expected to get a job offer during the interview like my teacher friend did. I did so many interviews and me not hearing back from them just filled my head and heart with self-doubt.

I felt worthless. I felt like a failure. I couldn’t believe I let my pride get the best of me. I was at home visiting Miami so I was pretty grateful that I did the majority of my interviews online, however the internet wasn’t stable. I felt like that was hindering me (spoiler alert: it didn’t). While I was grateful to still technically have a job, I knew I didn’t want to go back to the school that I didn’t feel safe at. I wanted more money to pay my bills and fix my credit (charter schools typically pay teachers less than their public school counterparts). I wanted to better my life.

Again I filled out application after application. Wrote email after email introducing myself and showing my interest in their school. Did interview after interview and heard nothing. I prayed to God. Prayed with tears in my eyes. I wanted a better life…better circumstances. I prayed that he’d help me. Eventually, I started asking him to help me go to the school I’m meant to be at. Guide me to the school where I can grow as a teacher. A lot of the schools I was really interested in were “A” and “B” schools with a few “C’s” and maybe a “D” school here and there. When I tell you I was applying to these jobs like a mad man.

When I was getting ready to return back to Orlando (like a couple of days before), I got a job offer. I was so excited. It wasn’t exactly the school I wanted but I didn’t care, I was happy to officially leave my school so I started breathing a little easier. The only problem with that job offer was that I wouldn’t be able to sign any paperwork for a month. The woman told me to let her know if I got an offer somewhere else before I sign with her school and I appreciated that. It was low-key a blessing.

I continued praying to God that he’d lead me to the school that I was meant to go to. There was one school (other than the high school that I interviewed with prior) that I really wanted. I did the interview but I somehow felt like I screwed up, but he said that he’d call my references. When he said that, I just assumed I’d never hear from them (it was a pale) again but I secretly wanted to (it’s an “A” school). I was talking to my therapist about how terrible I was feeling and she basically told me to relax and to not take a job if they asked me on the spot because that means that they’re desperate and it may not be where I want to be. I shouldn’t want just anything because that would mean me placing myself in a horrible position just because I’m desperate enough. Like I’m not worth it (let that be a lesson for you too). Anyway I took the advice but I didn’t think a job would want to hire me on the spot.

That next week, a school offered me a job on the spot. It was in a not so great area and the ratings I saw were not great. I didn’t want to depend on the ratings alone, so I went to the interview. The principal who wanted to hire me right then and there was there to turn the school around and that was the second red flag (the first being the job offer. It eerily sounded like when I got hired at the charter school. I got hired on the spot and the principal was new to the school to help turn it around. I told the woman I’d get back to her but I never did.

Ironically, literally on my drive to that interview, I got a job offer from a school that I was really interested in. It had been over a week and they finally called me back with an offer. I was told to look out for an email (that never came by the way) and I was really excited but still decided to go to the interview just so that I didn’t have it on my record that I never showed up for an interview. After I went on that interview, I decided my job search was over. The previous day actually, I had two other interviews (told you I had a lot!) and both were really interested in me. Both were at schools in very poor neighborhoods and I just didn’t feel safe at either of them. When I came home, feeling elated about the job offer I received on my way to an interview (which is crazy when you think about it), I excitedly texted a few friends!

The next day, however, I had a second interview with the school I wanted (the one with the panel). I wasn’t expecting the interview but it happened. It also forced me to tell my current school about me leaving. They school wanted to call the school to see what they thought of me. I immediately got sad because I just knew they wouldn’t give me a good review, even though I suffered a little because of them. I just left it up to God again and told him that I was grateful to be in the position I was in, with all these schools interested in me. By that Friday of that week, I officially signed the papers for the school I wanted. Look at God.

It didn’t stop there. Just recently the first two schools I had interviewed for reached out to me one day after the other. The one with the high school said that they were interested in me but they just had issues getting in touch with my references but they wanted to offer me a different position if I was still interested. It wasn’t something wrong that I did in my interview they just couldn’t get in contact with my references. I thanked God for that because it gave me the peace of mind that I wasn’t a failure. The other school that contacted me wanted to offer me a position but it was way too late. They didn’t hire me during the interview and then they put up four positions for the job I wanted and still didn’t call me back with an offer. They called when it was too late and maybe that was a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it’s for the best for us when things don’t work out.

Y’all, when I tell you I had five job offers at one point…your mouths would drop. I was shocked! When I was in a piss poor mood and a pity party, I didn’t recognize what a blessing that was. It was only until after I sat down and really thought about it did I realize just how blessed I was. Eventually, I had seven offers…seven! Like, if that wasn’t Jehovah I don’t know what was. I saw my worth. Everything was going to work out the way it should. I asked Jehovah to put me in a place where I would grow and boy did he in a way I didn’t see coming.

I say all of this to say that you have to believe in yourself. If you’re worried that things won’t work out or like you’re doing things “wrong”, try to relax (funny coming from me the queen of anxiousness). You have to know that you are putting your best self out there and the rest will fall into place. Don’t rush things and don’t compare your experience to someone else’s. You will be where you are supposed to be. Know your worth, put yourself out there and take it to God. Let him know that you’re leaving things in his hand and ask him to guide you to where you should be, not where you want to be, but where you should be to grow as an individual because it’s all about bettering ourselves. Ask him (Jehovah God) what he wants. Ask him to help you be a blessing to others and then sit back and let him do the rest.If you’re doing things for the right reasons and for growth, it will happen for you. Things will fall into place for you.

What’s something you tell yourself when things are in the air for you?

Speaking of school, if you could find it in your heart to donate to my classroom, that would mean a lot to me and my students. My classroom wish list can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17F6T8IS51YQ3?ref_=wl_share

Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava on Pexels.com

XOXO,

LolaDasher

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