That’s right. You read that correctly but it’s not in the sense that you think. As you know, I’m a hopeless hopeless romantic. I want nothing more than to settle down. Get married and have babies. That’s what I want for my life. So, you may ask yourself why is it that I’m choosing to remain single? Because actions!
Actions scream louder than words. How many times have we heard that? Well, it’s because it’s true.You can swear you want something to change all you want but if you’re not making any moves to make those changes, then that’s just wishful thinking. Someone can have the best of intentions but if they don’t act on them, guess what? We’re let down. We let others down and we let ourselves done.
Fear is a real thing and some great things can come out on the other side of fear. When we allow ourselves to be paralyzed by our fear, we don’t grow. Nothing changes. We remain stuck. There are many things that can cause us to be paralyzed by fear. For example, maybe we had a traumatizing experience and because of that, we remain afraid and therefore stuck. For example, when cook and food show host Rachael Ray (I love her by the way) was first learning to drive she was afraid and she didn’t get her drivers license until she was in her 20’s.
You may ask yourself, what does this have to do with me choosing to be single? Fear. I’m afraid of being hurt. I got my heart broken many many times. Granted it was from guys who didn’t give a damn about me but the damage has been done. I’m afraid of being rejected. I’m scared someone won’t love me for me. Maybe the guy won’t find me attractive. Maybe he won’t think I’m a prize. Maybe he won’t see my worth. Maybe I don’t see my worth. This paralyzing fear is why I’m scared to do anything (that and the dating pool is just trash. Either I’m not on the right apps or…I don’t know that’s another post for another time).
I’m in therapy to right the wrongs in my life, or at least to teach me to deal. I gave my explanation to my therapist and now we’re going to start working on the deeper inward work. I’m tired of being single. I can’t keep going on in circles making no real change. Change starts with us. We can’t look to other people to make these changes for us. We have to take a real good look at ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our choices.
An article from Psychology Today gave a few tips for us to move past our fear:
- Recognize your fear. Define it. Fear is like a little kid. The more you ignore it, the louder it gets.
- Think of one baby step you can take to move toward, not away, from your fear. Your fear can’t hide if you approach it head on.
- Ask others for help. Sometimes just speaking the source of your fear outloud helps diffuse it.
- Reward yourself. For every step you take in overcoming your fear, give yourself the recognition you deserve.
I’m not sure how this journey in my life will end. Hopefully good because your girl wants her hubby and kids. If there’s something holding you back, try your best to work on it. Not for anyone else but for yourself. Change has to want to come from you. Do it in spite of your fear. Do it strategically. Just do it.
What’s holding you back