I decided to do something different with this post. For today’s post, I thought I’d share an excerpt from my book “When the Wallflower Blooms: How to Break out & Step Into Who You’re Meant to Be”. April is sexual assault awareness month and so I thought that I should share my story with you all. I never told anyone about what happened to me. I was 12 years young and violated by a stranger. As you read my story, I ask that you listen to women (and men) when they share their story. If this is a trigger for you, I urge you not to read it. To this day, I’m still not comfortable talking about what happened but I also know that I can’t stay silent any longer. Please read with an open heart and open mind. Thank you
From When the Wallflower Blooms: How to Break Out & Step Into Who You’re Meant to Be:
This chapter is one that I’ve avoided for the longest time but I guess there’s no better time than now, right? When I was growing up, my grandma used to love to go shopping: at Jo-Anne’s Fabrics, JC Penny, Big K-Mart, grocery shopping, you name it. She even frequented Dollar Tree very often when she was able to drive still drive herself around. One day, while we were at K-Mart, I went to the toys section while she went shopping for clothes and whatever we needed for the house. I was 12 years old.
While I was in the toy section, I noticed a guy eventually make his way down the aisle. I was a bit nervous so I just stared straight ahead and focused on the toys in front of me. He came closer and closer and my focus was still on the toys. When he brushed his arm on my breast I shook it off. Maybe it was an accident, right? However, when he reached out and fondeled my breast and said “nice boobs”, I froze. Did he really just say that? Did he really just do that? I ran and found my grandma immediately. Now here’s the part where you’re probably like, you told didn’t you? Nope. In fact we passed right by him on our way out of the store and we locked eyes as I walked out with my grandma. Still to this day, I told no one. I knew from that moment on, I hated my big boobs. I felt like they were a distraction. Like they attracted perverts!
I was just a kid! I’m pretty small so I look younger than my age so if I was twelve, I probably looked ten! What hurts is that I was afraid. I was scared to tell my grandparents what happened. Would they call the cops? Will they make a big deal out of it? For the longest time I was afraid to even go to Big K. I mean, I went if my grandma asked me too but my stomach was always in knots in my stomach and I refused to say anything about the situation. Do you know how much it breaks my heart to see tweets or something on social media about a girl being raped or sexually harassed and have been silent about it? Why is it that we feel like we can’t be honest and tell the truth about our experiences? It saddens me when I read things like that. What happens to those who do come forward? Were they asking for it? Are they lying? Why does it take so long for us to be silent? Well because, things haven’t really been in our favor when things come to light and its better to suffer in silence.
I don’t want to live in a world where I have to suffer in silence. A girl I know, whom I’ll call Megan, is very vocal about her sexual assault. She reminds people often of what has happened to her and why she feels so passionate about it. I admire the fuck out of her for it. To me, she’s a hero for being so open about it. She gives no fuck about how people will view her for it and she has such balls. Why can’t I be like that? Well it starts today (hence why you’re reading these words). I wish that we as a society can break this cycle of people feeling afraid to come forward with their stories. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women are raped and 91% of rape and sexual assault victims are women. These are just the stats of women who come forward. I’m pretty sure it would be a higher number if more victims came forward.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my excerpt from my book. If you want to read more, you can find my book here. It will truly bless you. If you or someone in your life could use my book, go ahead and consider purchasing it. Thank you