Ive been wanting to write this post for a while and I don’t know…I guess I was worried about what people would say but honestly, I have to be real. So I’m not one of those angry black women who’s like mad ALL THE TIME (they are out there) but something does irk my nerves.
See, usually in the media, black women are seen as the comical sidekick in like movies or certain tv shows (obviously excluding black tv shows) and it’s like “damn. Can we be the lead or something?”. Like I think my breaking point of wtf-ness was when I was watching Lifetime. There was a movie on and the lead was a white woman and the african american woman in the movie was the “friend” who served as the “alright girlfriend” type. We’re seen as loud, ghetto, promiscuous and the comedic relief in a lot of movies and shows. In society, we’re not seen as warm and loving (and I don’t mean loving like a nanny or housekeeper either). I was like wtf now. In history, black women have been dehumanized. An article on Healthline’s website stated that “we face discrimination in employment, education, the judicial system, healthcare, and in our everyday lives. There is a well-documented history of the invisibility and silence of black women. We are often overlooked and unheard.” Black women are tired y’all. Angry black woman. Baby momma. Black Barbie. Gold-digger. Unhealthy fat black woman. I cringe when I watch shows like “Maury” when the black women who goes on the show are being seen as ghetto. They make a fool of themselves one the show only to feed into the negative stereotype that the media has portrayed us as. Hell, I can’t even stomach watching shows like “Love and Hip Hop” or “Real Housewives of Atlanta” because of the way black women were and still are being portrayed. In music videos we’re oversexualized and it’s so gross. It makes me sick and when black women feed into these stereotypes, I feel so sad.
Now, I won’t be like it’s all the media’s fault. That would be silly of me to make a statement as such. I do place part of the blame on how we’re brought up. We are taught to be strong black women. Which on the surface, doesn’t seem like a bad thing. However, when it’s to the point of where we can’t be real with how we really feel, it’s detrimental to our mental health. I’ll give you an example. I posted something about Kate Spade committing suicide and someone (who’s also a black woman) posted on it saying that she’s weak and that her mom had to deal with much more and didn’t cry about it and honestly that comment pissed me off. I basically told her that her thinking was flawed and that her mom probably suffered in silence which is no way to live. Are we (black women) not allowed to cry? Are we not allowed to be vulnerable? Why do we need to be strong all the time? There was a study done by Amani Allen, an Executive Associate Dean and Associate Professor of Community Health Sciences and Epidemiology in the School of Public Health at University of California, Berkeley. She noted that “What [black women] were really describing was this idea of being strong black women and feeling the need to prepare for the racial discrimination they expect on a daily basis; and that preparation and anticipation adds to their overall stress burden,”.
Black women, especially dark skinned black women, are not usually seen as soft and feminine. We’re not seen as graceful. It’s always we have to be strong and I haven’t seen a lot of instances where women, black women in particular, have . I know one thing for sure is that Cara Alwill, even though yeah she’s not black, but she has helped me to see myself as worthy of being feminine and being loved on. Of buying myself flowers and being more loving towards myself. She also helped me to see that we women (in general) don’t have to be superwoman. We don’t have to do it all and with a smile on our faces. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be soft. It’s okay to not do it all and solve every problem. As women in general, we like to put other’s needs ahead of our own. We’re care takers and you know what, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of self so guess what, self-care is in need. We need to do things that fill our cup. Maybe it’s getting a facial, getting your nails and hair done, shopping. Buying flowers for yourself and making yourself look and feel good. Only then is when we will radiate our femininity and others will take notice. Taking care of you and your mental health. And women, don’t be a bimbo. Have something going for yourself and be intelligent. There was a picture of a blogger (an African American woman) on a picnic at a beautiful location and a white woman got mad at her and tweeted it. If you want to see the thread on Twitter click here. Some people will be bothered. Who cares?
Black men don’t really help us. They expect us to support them through thick and then but yet give us their ass to kiss. Now let me give my disclaimer, I’M NOT SAYING EVERY SINGLE BLACK MAN IS THIS WAY. Clear? So let me get back to my point. That whole struggle love is for the birds. I’m sorry. Why do I have to be treated as less than or that I have to struggle in my relationship for the sake of being true to my community? Why can’t I go where I’ll be appreciated even if that means looking at other races of men? Black men marry or date women of other races a lot so why can’t we? I get so happy when I see black women being catered to and unfortunately, it doesn’t happen that often in our own African American community. I look at these trash men treating black women like dogs and liars and I’m sorry but that’s not okay. Look at the whole situation with Meg the Stallion. The person she was dating got into an argument with her and shot her. Thank goodness she didn’t die. Can you believe that even after all that, she was considering not to press charges against him and not snitch because of the notion we have to protect our black men but when he was lying on her and everyone turned against her, she spoke out and people in our own African American community are not satisfied with it because she’s causing another black man to go through the system. Fuxk that! No one has her back except other black women) but hardly any black man spoke out in defense or support of her. Where’s the love? Tupac said it best in his song “Keep Ya Head Up” when he said: “I think it’s time to kill for our women/Time to heal our women, be real to our women/And if we don’t, we’ll have a race of babies/That will hate the ladies that make the babies (Oh, yeah-yeah)”
I think it’s time that we change the narrative. Thank goodness, we, the younger generation are waking up and making our own rules. As I said before, what’s helped me was reading books and listening to podcasts by Cara Alwill. Following The Pink Pill on Youtube and reading a book and taking courses from Christleyn Karazin as well. Also listening to Sheneka Adam’s “Goddess Confessions” podcast and following her on Instagram at Simply Sheneka has helped me as well.I’ve always been concerned with how the world see’s me and hopefully we can turn things around.
What do you think? Is it too late for us? Do you think things change? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.