Nessa D

Hey y’all!

I’ve actually wanted to write a post on this for a really long time. It’s been on my heart for like ever actually. Now this topic maybe a little controversial to some but to me, I feel like it’s important. Now here is my disclaimer before I get into this, I am single. I do not have a boyfriend. Are you okay with that? Because what I’m about to say will make some folks roll their eyes. I believe people should date outside their own race. There I said it (felt great too lol). But yes, I believe people should date outside their race. I mean hell, I even have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to it.

This may be surprising to some who know me. Although, those close to me (like real close to me) know what’s the deal. I’ve always liked boys outside of my race. Now before you get all like “well you should give black guys a try”, I actually did have some crushes on guys who were of the same race. However, I’ve just always been more attracted to guys outside my race. Besides, when I was coming up, it was kind of normal around me and my friends. Didn’t matter what race you were, if you were cute, you were cute (gotta love that middle/high school logic).

But yes, I’ve always liked guys outside of my race. When I went to college and begin to do things that I felt like doing, I just gave in and accepted the fact that I like guys who weren’t black. I’m not knocking that whole “black love” movement (I mean do you) but…it’s just not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I hate black guys, they’re just not my thing and thats okay. What makes me a bit concerned though is how some of my family feels about me dating outside of my race. Hell, when I went home for my uncle’s funeral, one of my well meaning family members asked me “do you still like white men?”. Like yeah! To which she replied “one day you’ll learn”. Now my aunt on the other hand has accepted it, I mean if it makes me happy, then thats what matters.

I like to reflect on my family and how they view the matter. As you may or may not know, I was raised by my grandparents. Each year, we’d go to our family reunion, we’d just alternate which side of the family we went to each year. When I went to the reunion on my grandfather’s side, you see a rainbow of colors; couples of all races mingling. Now on the flip side, when I go to my grandma’s side of the family reunion, it ain’t happening. They are from the south and a lot are old so they don’t have that belief that love is love. To be quite honest, I probably won’t go to that reunion when I have kids and get married (speaking it into existence). I know it sounds wrong of me to say it, but I’d rather be somewhere where me and my family will be shown love and respect and not given the side eye and get whispers. I’m good. That’s not to say I don’t love my family but you know what they say “go where you are celebrated, not tolerated”.

Speaking of, I honestly feel like white or Latino men will celebrate you more than our counterparts. For example, look at Jodie Turner-Smith (Joshua Jackson’s wife). When she went to the Queen & Sugar premiere with her husband, black twitter was up in arms. How dare she betray the race? is what I saw. They called her names like bed wench (which is basically calling her the white man’s whore) and they were really upset by it. Why? No really, why? First of all, she is a married woman so they need to respect the fact that she married a white man. Btw, according to Urban Dictionary, a “bed wench” or “bed warner” is the term used to address “a slave woman whose job was to sleep in their slave master’s bed, keeping it ‘warm’ so that when the slave-master was ready to have sex with them, they would be readily available.”

As she pointed out, she wasn’t on black men’s radar. She’s dark skinned. She’s natural (meaning her hair isn’t processed). Now before I get a ton of hate, a good number of men are not checking for girls who look like us. Look in music videos or the women who they choose to flaunt. On the flip side, even those black women who are light skinned receive hate too, for example, Tamera Mowry- Housely. She got hate for her relationship too. She too was called a bed-wench. For the most part, it’s black men (not all) who chose to date outside their race but when a black woman does it? She’s betraying her race. Now that just don’t make no sense. The list goes on and on: Meghan Markle, Gabby Sibide, Tika Sumpter (btw her clapback was awesome. she said she’s just a girl who met a boy and fell in love),Serena Williams, etc.

We are not turning our backs on the black community. We’re giving ourselves options. What’s wrong with that? What I do appreciate is how things are changing. More and more black women are finding love outside the black community. Even mainstream media is embracing the unions. We see more and more interracial couples becoming the norm in movies, tv shows (like ABC’s Mixed-ish), and commercials. Hell, one of America’s hottest couples right now is Lauryn Speed and Cameron Hamilton from the Netflix show Love is Blind. I feel proud. It makes me happy and hopeful. No really. Every time I see an interracial couple on tv I’m like yassssss! There’s something about seeing a black woman treasured and adored by a man, especially one outside of her race.

My bff is married to a white man. My best gal pal is dating a white man. And you know what? They’re happy. They’re with men who truly value’s them. I mean I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and unicorns. They’re with someone who truly loves them.Can’t hate on that. I can only pray to Jehovah that a great man (*coughs* Poke’boy) comes along that will love this awkward bookworm black girl. Again, I’m not downing black men. When the numbers are dismal and things like 40% of black women never marry, it’s scary. Some are seriously hell bent on “marrying a black man” just for the sake of “keeping it real”. It doesn’t matter if they marry them or not. If they make them nothing more than baby mamas or not. They still want and will wait on their “black king”. Sorry, but fuck that! If I can find love elsewhere, I’m going elsewhere.

Again, these are just my opinions. Love who you want. It doesn’t matter. My point is, if you’re not happy and you’re tired of being alone and unappreciated, go where you will be. If it means stepping out of your comfort, thats great. I mean hell, that’s growth right there. As long as you’re willing to learn about each other and love each and accept and respect each other for who we are, thats all that matters.

Below is a video from Christelyn Karazin’s , author of the book Swirling (which I highly recommend) YouTube channel, The Pink Pill. I hope it gives you something to think about.

XOXO,

LolaDasher