Was it just me or was last month super long? Like it took forever for January to come and leave. Especially since Kobe, his daughter, and seven others have perished in a helicopter crash on the day of the Grammys (so freaking sad). I’m just so glad that January is over.
This month is a month that I kind of hate. I mean I probably should appreciate it because its Black History Month but its also the month that has Valentine’s Day. Now I know what you may be thinking. Valentine’s Day isn’t a real holiday, who cares? I care lol. Why? Well simply because, I never had a valentine. No one has ever given me anything and honestly, it hurts. Like not to put myself out there but I never had a boyfriend before. Like never in my life. So to me, it feels like I’m missing out. I remember each year, starting like three years ago, I’d always ask for February 14th off and I would always end up working. Do you know how much I hated that?
I wanted to sleep and wear black (it’s a day of mourning for me) and just avoid social media and the public all together. I once even started a petition to abolish the day altogether (yes I went there. I realize now how fucking insane that was so feel free to judge me lol). Why? Because I never had a Valentine (like seriously its less than a week away. Poke’boy if you’re reading this get at cha girl). I always like the example of someone who’s never ridden a bike or driven a car. Imagine always either walking or catching the bus somewhere while it seems like everyone else around you is driving and having a good time. Or maybe you never learned to ride a bike and someone says to you, it’s not that big of a deal but it feels like one to you because you’ve never ridden a bike before. Or just imagine something that you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance to do it. Like how would you feel?
Now I’m not over here saying that I want to have a pity party but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that me not having a love life (or not having one ever) has made me a bitter person (just being honest). Again, I know what people say. Date yourself but still every once in a while, I want to be taken on a date and treated like a princess. And lets be honest, a vibrator will not keep you warm at night. My family, while I understand their concern for me, has sent me books to help me with my love life (or lack there of). I’m not kidding; I received two books on finding a man and how to snag a husband and I’ve received a suggestion for another book on interracial dating (oh yes, I’m into that).
To be honest, maybe I need it. Who knows. What’s a hopeless romantic (I’m a Libra, what can I say?) to do when her love life seems quite hopeless? I’ve started reading the swirling book (you can click here if you’re interested in buying it) and let me tell you, it’s confirmed a lot of things for me. I’ll move on to reading the book, The Rules, one that a family has sent me and i’ll be honest, I was intrigued because someone I follow on Instagram has said she’s used it as part of her leveling up journey. This year, my focus is on getting a boyfriend and being someone that men would approach.
Another thing that is helping me is the mastermind that I’m a part of. This month the focus is self-love (I can use some help in this department) and I must say, I’m excited. This month we are challenged to do a 29 day self love challenge in which each day we should do at least one act of self love for ourselves (it doesn’t have to cost money). So far, I’ve chosen to meditate each day (more on this in a later post), take care of my skin, do some yoga (again this ties with the post I’m doing later with the meditation), cooked a meal at home and have done lots of reading. I’m trying to manifest a love life this year (again, Poke’boy if you’re reading this, text me asap). I’m also wanting to go back to therapy to fix whatever is wrong with me. My self-esteem, while I have come a long way, still needs some working. I’m trying to do the inward work so that I’ll be okay when I do start dating. I’ve even added a dating app on my phone (yes I went there smh).
If anyone knows me, they’ll tell you I want to be married with kids. That’s my goal. Always have been and always will be. I just pray that one day, these things will manifest. Hopefully with the steps that I’m taking, I can one day happily say that I have a man and kids. Besides, I don’t want just anyone (I mean hello Poke’boy). I’m not desperate. I know the type of man I want. I want someone who is supportive, and loves me and all of my crazy, believe in God, a family man, a partner who is kind, funny, a leader and can communicate. Someone I can trust. I know he’s out there (*coughs* Poke’boy).
Maybe after I finish all three books that I’ve received, I’ll do a post on them. Anyway, thanks for reading this long post. For all those girls out there who hates Valentine’s Day, I’ll be praying for you and with you.
29DaySelfLoveChallenge – if you’re interested in the challenge, you can do this on your own. Just be sure to do one act of self love each day and mark it off to be held accountable