Its the new year and…I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I feel. Everywhere on social media, I’ve been seeing things like “2020 is gonna be my year” or “2020 is gonna bring great things” and other phrases like “2020 is going to be awesome”. Personally, I’m not feeling it. I don’t want to be like “oh yeah 2020 will be my year” because well I don’t feel it. I’ll be honest, 2019 ended in a way….I never thought it would. I expected by the end of last year that I’ll be teaching and have a boyfriend, a new car and I’ll have a good chunk of my book finished. Literally none of the ish happened!
I just started Sarah Ordo’s Her Best F**king Year masterclass and one of the first assignments that she gave us to write out a celebration list of all the things we’ve accomplished over the last year. If you’re not sure what a celebration list is, it’s kind of like a to-do list but instead of off the things you have to do, you write the things you’ve actually got done. It’s supposed to give you like a different outlook on things all on “celebrate” all the things you’ve accomplished. I have yet to write it actually. I just don’t feel right.
Now this isn’t me being modest, it’s just me not knowing what to put. I feel like when I take 5 steps forward, I fall 3 steps back. Like I said, last year ended in a totally different way than what I expected. I’ve lost a lot of things (like a lot) so like it feels weird to write down all of my accomplishments when I feel like…well I have none.
It feels like I’m reaping what I’ve sown. I’ve broken promises to myself, to others, and most importantly, to God. All those things I’ve said I was going to, just didn’t happen. I’m indulge more later but right now, I’m just embarrassed and ashamed of the way my life has ended up thus far. For example, I never started therapy again, I stopped going to the Kingdom Hall (the “church” for Jehovah’s Witnesses), and I stopped working out. I’m also still single (pokeboy if you’re out there please love me). A lot of things I said I was going to pay for later never happened. I have failed myself. It’s important that if you make a promise to yourself, you see that i actually happens. It’s how you build confidence.
I’m still trying to find out who I am and find myself. There are so many things I’d love to happen for my life that I’m just not sure will actually happen. I don’t know. I don’t know the future. I can take things day by day. Still I don’t know how to feel honestly. My hope for this year for you all is that you keep the promises you’ve made to yourself. That’s something that Ed Mylett talks about all the time. In fact, he’s on a recent episode of The Skinny Confidential’s Him and Her podcast where he’s giving his tips and secrets for making significant changes to your life. I pray that you all have a wonderful new year.
This new year, I’ve actually went home to Miami. I went to my childhood home and stayed there for a few days (and played tourist) and then I went to my roomie Karina’s childhood home and stayed for a day because they had a party (which was so much fun if I might add). At the time that I’m writing this, I’ve just gotten back today.
BTW, if you’re interested in joining the masterclass I’m doing this year, you have until the 6th to sign up and if you sign up by that date, you’ll get $10 off the monthly membership price using the promo code: NEWYEAR. You can cancel at anytime. Sign up for the link above or just click here. AND, Cara Alwill Leyba just launched her masterclass called “Style Your Mind Academy” as well for the new year and it’s just $20 (a bargain btw) a month. If you want to work with her, you can do so by clicking this link (first come first served).