I saw something on Mean Girls (something about costume design) and it brought me back to the days of being an actual mean girl. Yes, I was a mean girl. I’m not proud of it (Didn’t see that one coming now did ya?). Glad to say I grew from it. But it got me thinking. I WAS A MEAN GIRL!
It took guts for me to actually admit that fact about myself. I used to talk about girls and I used the coverup that I was joking. One thing that I can vividly remember was in 9th grade. We were in P.E. and were outside standing on the fence. This girl, whom I’ll call “Anna” for privacy purposes, was saying how someone said she had a shape like J. Lo and I said “J. Lo? More like jello” and everyone laughed. I remember it so well because like I said, I wasn’t proud. Everyone laughed at her and it immediately didn’t make me feel better. I’m pretty sure she felt hurt and embarrassed. If someone did that to me, I’d run and cry and probably would need lots of counseling (I’m a very sensitive soul).
I used to make fun of other girls bodies by calling them Ms. Piggy. I would call girls whore. I remember this one time in elementary, I called one of my friends and put her on speaker phone so that she could hear another one of my friends talking shit about her. What was my goal for that phone call? I don’t know but hurt feelings did ensue. I made fun of my now bff Nkem really badly when we were kids. I said terrible things about her only because I heard she was talking about me (which turned out to be a lie) after I was so nice to her when she first came to our school. I said terrible things about her hygiene and that wasn’t right. We’ve later moved on from that and we’re the closest friends ever. Its amazing.
By the time I got to college, I’ve been curving some of that mean girl behavior. Sure sometimes I made jokes at the expense of others, but it was all for laughs. Not making fun of looks or hygiene, none of that stuff. My self-esteem was low (I’m slowly building it back up) so I can understand how some people say that it’s just a reflection on how you feel about yourself. It never made me feel proud. Sure I got laughs but I also got the label of “bitch” or “hater”. I don’t like being called any of those things. I don’t want that to be a reflection of who I am.
Within the past four years, I’ve been undergoing some serious changes. I’ve learned about sisterhood and how refreshing it can be to have people support you and you to support people. I got a new girl gang of women who fully support each other, in person and online (yes you can get a girl gang online). I’ve learned what true friendship and sisterhood looks like. Something else that helped me was honestly, getting back to studying the Bible and learning the type of person God wants us to be. There’s a study article that talks about how we all can do that and become a better person.
I remember a few years ago, when I was towards the end of me working at CFA (Chick-fil-A), I hated my life. Those girls (grown ass women technically) made my life hell. Why? Well every day when I was there, I was talked about. They called me ugly, and they laughed at me, called me all kinds of names day in and day out. Imagine being in such a work environment like that for 5 days out of the week (neither of them worked Saturdays) for eight hours a day being talked about like a dog. None of my supervisors did anything (they didn’t want the hassle of dealing with angry black women). Only one person stood up for me once but other than that, all the things they said just cut like knives while no one said anything. Why didn’t I say anything? I was hurt (again, I’m a very sensitive soul), I was scared and I didn’t want to deal with those angry bitches (one of them was clinically bipolar but was off her meds). Anyway, I hated my life. The only way I saw out was that I got a different job and got away from that environment.
When are we gonna start being real with ourselves? When are we gonna look at the ugly truths within ourselves? Maybe if you’re lucky you were never a mean girl in your life. But others, come on. We owe it to ourselves to look at the times when we’ve hurt others and figure out. I mean, some people are just bitches. Some people are just plain old mean. Have you ever dealt with mean girls? Have you ever been a mean girl? In the meantime, enjoy this classic scene of “Jingle Bell Rock”. After all, it still technically the holidays.