hey yall!
Oh my goodness. What a whirlwind the past two weeks have been! It’s been emotionally draining for me honestly. I felt like Katt Williams in his stand up when he said he “be trying s**t, trying s**t. Won’t work. Trying s**t, trying s**t. Won’t work” (you can find this clip here. BTW it has explicit language). There were lots of tears and headaches (I believe was brought on due to stress). In case you missed it, I got a job in Kissimmee and I’m going to teach English. Super exciting, right?
Ever since June, things have been quite an experience. I know I keep saying that but its true! Financial hardship was the biggest issue I had over the summer. I remember my lights going out; I started paying back my student loans and $250 was being taken out of my account; I had no food, no litter for my cat, my car broke on me (my brakes went out and boy was that scary)…the list goes on and on. I was honestly embarrassed of my circumstances. lIke I said, I knew it wouldn’t last always but still at the moment I was really stressed out and felt alone.
There were a couple of events that I definitely wanted to hit up before I left but the way life had it, I could only go to one, which wasn’t a bad thing actually because at least I did something fun in the midst of all of that stress. I wanted to go to the french fry crab that a few bars were having and I wanted to go to the mac and cheese celebration for national mac and cheese day that Tally Mac Shack was holding. I went to the mac an cheese thing (duh) and stuffed my face with as many samples of various mac and cheeses that my wallet could handle. That was a great day!
A couple of days later that week, I went to a movie trivia night (we tested our knowledge of The Lion King) held by Madison Social. I was with my good friend Karina and one of the girls that works at Whole Foods with us, AJ (who works in the dept next to mine). It was great! I was able to focus on something else that wasn’t my problems. We made great strides might I add (we made it to two tie breaker rounds but sadly didn’t win..but man were we close). It was great…until I went home and had to face my problems. Again, I knew that my issues wouldn’t last forever but still it felt like my world was crashing down once.
My final few weeks in Tallahassee were quite bittersweet. I was feeling bored and fed up with my job at Whole Foods, but I still continued to put in my normal effort so that I didn’t slack off towards the end. I also turned in my two week notice! I felt really bad about leaving my job (but hey, I’m getting a salary one so whatever). I would miss everyone I fostered relationships with and would have to start all over (well Karina’s gonna be my roommate so she’s not going anywhere lol). I didn’t really know if people would care if I left (like in the back of my mind I thought that they would be relieved).
Anyway, I packed little by little and by the time I had less than a week left, I was a complete mess emotionally. To be quite honest, I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid of the unknown. I was leaving my new friendships behind. I was finally starting to feel like I was coming into my own. The family that took me in as I journeyed on my way back to the Kingdom Hall and Jehovah’s Wittnesses…I was leaving them behind as well. I felt such love and I was afraid of leaving all of that behind. I remember being super excited about leaving and I couldn’t wait to leave Tallahassee but as the time came closer for me to leave…I don’t know I got scared. Oh! Another biggie is that I never told my crush (poke’boy) how I felt about him. I tried to invite him to my little going away get together but he was going out of town (it was his birthday week and unbeknownst to me he was going on a job interview in North Carolina).
My final week just full of stress. I was trying to sell my car and no one was serious enough to buy it (c’mon it was a 2000 Toyota Solora for $150….bargain, right?), I was super emotional because I never told my crush how I felt and was just depressed at the prospect of never having a chance with him…and I had to put on a fake smile and go to my goodbye get together for my last night in Tally. I still had so much to get rid of in my apartment. So much so, I eventually gave things away for free! But anyway, we went to Proof and it was nice. Who mattered to me were all there. Katrina, my work mom who bought me a beer. Joe the pizza guy who I grew on (he looks scary and mean but trust me he’s really sweet under his angry demeanor). Cody who I was once afraid of but turned out to be really cool. Heidi and Anneliese my girls who were there to lift me up when I felt sorry for myself. Randy who ended up being like a big brother to me. AJ who I’ve recently became friends with who I wish I met earlier. Wes, Justin, Yursha, and Tammy…my support at times when I felt super frustrated at work. And of course, Karina, my good friend who’s there to give me that extra push (tough love) I need when I start to get scared.
I’m on to a new chapter in life. Terrifying? Yes but I’m ready to face my fears. Literally this is what I truly wanted for years. To live in Orlando, work in Osceola county, and marry poke’boy (still working on that lol). Jehovah is with me. I will be okay. Whatever new thing you have coming up in your life, know that you are ready and that God prepared you for it. Know that you will do great things and there’s soo much life on the other side of fear. I start pre-planning tomorrow and boy am I excited (and nervous). I’ll be okay and I want you to know that with any change coming your way, you’ll be okay too.
Nessa D 